Friday, August 26, 2011

Once here, Suddenly gone

The taste of salt that streams down your cheeks keeps your heart skipping beats.


Rapidly your chest begins to cave in on itself.


At first you feel that it’s just the shortness of breath and the tightening of your lungs, then you realize that the hole in your chest where you heart once lay is imploding on itself.


Looking down and seeing your rib cage and your life crushing in on yourself is the sad and familiar scenario that you strive to let go.


It encapsulates your entire existence in a blanket of love that turns into a straight jacket of self-loathing pain and a justified comfort that you’re all too accepting of.


What makes this stop? Who makes you grab yourself and extract you from this life as you know it and save yourself?


Most will say you have to do it on your own; but the likeliness of that is slim to none. The Devil that wears Prada holds the key to the heart that has never won.


Falling once again into the abyss of everything that hurts, everything made sense until yanked away again with no regard of your life, as you spin out of control living a life again full of spite.

Friday, June 3, 2011

In Perils I Fall


Rough night... hopefully I can find the peace to sleep.

I doubt it, ghosts haunt me, fear cradles me in order to not allow for peace,

lost in my own heart I have nothing left that she hasn't taken,

perilous attempts for a love that doesn't love in return, not in the way I desire and need,

searching in the crevasses of hell trying to find my path through the valley of death,

welcoming it with open arms and free-spirit,

Love once again the enemy of the heart, logical the mind tries to make sense of it all...

nothing left, the last bead of blood drains from my veins as the sought-after love will never again take this now loveless soul

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Hopefully Found

Light Shining To Me...
Plight Not My Enemy Today.
Strife Doesn't Plague Me Today.
Life Seems Much More Enjoyable Than The Weeks Before.

BJS -- 2kXI
Dutch

Friday, February 4, 2011

Drowning in a Convergence of Rivers

Sands of time drowning me in an empty sea of lies
The way she used to look me in the eyes,
Wonderment is all that can be
Because there is nothing left in me.

The darkness between us grows with each passing day
Eventually, there will be no recognition of what once lay
The smiles and laughter have been replaced
Painted smiles drawn upon my face
Knowing that this is the only way to keep up my pace.

Clutching onto the brach of life that grows from the side of the cliff
All I want to know is when I let let go how far is the drop and what if.
Streaming wind assaults my body as I fall into a crystal ball of eternity
It's a space of which there is no time, no love, no emotion
It's perfect blissfulness of not living nor dying, but stuck in between
Awake looking for the coins upon my eyes and their bright sheen.

The great guide, Charon sets me upon the tour of the Lethe, Eridanos, and Alpheus
I find my escort to be hungrily grappling at my soul, taking no riches
I come to the convergence of Styx, Phlegethon, Acheron and Cocytus

Is this what we live for all our lives?
To be deceived and devoured by all the sweet sounding and enchanting lies?
Certainly there is more to the virtue of life
The battle of life always seems to be caught in the rough
There no reason to try and come out of it without falling for the bluff.

A notebook is held and read day in and day out,
Everyday it takes a different life, but it surely is one that I can live without.

BJS -- 2kXI
Dutch

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Sands of time drowning me in an empty sea of lies
The way she used to look me in the eyes,
Wonderment is all that can be
Because there is nothing left in me.

The darkness between us grows with each passing day
Eventually, there will be no recognition of what once lay
The smiles and laughter have been replaced
Painted smiles drawn upon my face
Knowing that this is the only way to keep up my pace.

Clutching onto the branch of life that grows from the side of the cliff
All I want to know is when I let let go how far is the drop, and what if.
Streaming wind assaults my body as I fall into a crystal ball of eternity
It's a space of which there is no time, no love, no emotion
It's perfect blissfulness of not living nor dying, but stuck in between
Awake looking for the coins upon my eyes and their bright sheen.

The great guide, Charon sets me upon the tour of the Lethe, Eridanos, and Alpheus
I find my escort to be hungrily grappling at my soul, taking no riches
I come to the convergence of Styx, Phlegethon, Acheron and Cocytus
Is this how it all ends?

Find Me

Follow Me...
No, I really shouldn't.

Follow Me...
No, it really wouldn't be prudent.

Ahh, c'mon, Follow Me..
Is it gunna hurt?

Silly question, Follow Me:
True, I guess I should learn to love again.

Here we float in a state of bliss, nothing he's ever felt like this...
So pure, so true, so everything in you.

Follow Me...
For why, and where, do we need to go?

Follow Me, I've never mislead you in the past.
No, you're correct, you've taught me love in it's purest.

Now at this time we are at a fork in the road.

Don't Follow Me, for we never were... You should have known.

BJS -- 2kXI
Dutch

In The Cut

Processing the pain is a choice from your conscious mind, not always a choice you're ready for, but at some point, one, or something, must be accountable for all the weary dreams that feel as if they are unsurmountable.

Driving shots of adrenaline will always be a part of dealing what's always lying within. To feel alive, sometimes you need to take your self much closer to death, so close you feel the Grim Reaper standing behind you and you feel his breath.
You may recognize that you're alive, but why? Why are the best ones to die? Is it a lesson that they can lastly teach, in order for you to always take that extra reach?

Your blood pressure pounds the closer you are to death, but it will in fact remind you that you are alive. And there's always something else left in the world worth your strive.

After the job is done you're sent home to battle the inner demons and political bureaucracy, and biased views of your peers and your community. How is it that the same community you fight and hurt for, can discard us like a slab of beef right into the dirty shore?
Are they pushing to find the dirty-dirty?
When they meet it, it truly isn't glamourous or purty.

Fathers and Mothers depend on us to protect their sons and daughters -- returning home they act to say, "Why bother?"

BJS-- 2kXI
Dutch

She'll Lead Me To The End

Draggin' myself through the bitter-sweet nectar of life.
- Feelin' no strife.
- Can't find the one I will call wife.
- Launching through clouds through the supposed glory of life.
- Not quite able to open my eyes

My heart is molded to her specification.
But yet she leaves it without prediction.
No, I don't see it; perhaps I shoulda kept my eyes open all along.
I can't feel it, I've lost my inner song.

"Rush, Rush hurry lover come to me" That's what she needed to tend her wounds
Now I carry the wreckage that lies and coos.
There was a space kept in my soul
Heavy chested I can't feel it no mo'

There's nothing one can do
To undo what she did do

I'm not tryin' to say this to in efforts to get to you, but once there was a love as true as could be
Now it's just a slain pain that cuts right through me

Razor sharp that splits the skin
A cool beveled blade attempts to reveal what's within

A whole nothing all lost because of the voices
Most have twins offering many choices

There seems to be a no win
But she'll see through it till the end.

BJS-- 2kXI
Dutch

Monday, January 3, 2011

It's Only Skin Deep; but Drives Through the Soul

My life spins out of control in a cosmic display of a giant nebulae that looks pretty and gorgeous from the outside, but once in the middle of it, it is a spiraling disaster of chaos and misunderstandings. I am not sure of the reasons why this is what is it, but it is what it is.

Every single minute can only be alleviated with the raw power of steel on flesh, sheering through the passion of pain gliding the outer epidermis and bringing a sullen calm to the irrational depression which lays within. The chill of the blade caressing through the skin breaking loose the anguish and pain, why is it when I think it goes away it all comes back again?

As the moments pass you sit and watch how your new display will play as it rolls down in its crimson trail, leaving the look of a canvass so pale. The warmth of the trickle barely fades you anymore, you yearn for the cold and the edge of the sword. Without a word, and a perhaps maybe only a slight grimace, you return to the cold world that brought you into this.

--BJS