Re-evaluating the Hierarchy of States of Mind

Chasing the memories of what might have been seems to have its appeal as of late. Life determiners at times seem to get away from the scope of reality and join board of the utterly ridiculous. Sure curve balls come our way and we need to adjust as they arrive, but must we alter our lives because of said determiners? Need we bask in the glory of the past to live in our present and our future? Certainly we need to be aware of the states we have crossed in earlier segments of life, but need they be the sole reason to live our future?

I have annotated in my past the times when life just wasn't in a neat stockpile. In fact, one could say it was in disarray at best. I knew at those times there was nothing that could be done to cure the disorganization, yet I searched for the ability to change things, and even got so discouraged decided that it wasn't even worth it anymore. Granted most of these issues in my life were relationship-centric topics, but nonetheless they were some pretty crappy times. Coming to grips with reality in most cases is horrible, and any sane human being should avoid it at all possible costs, that's why I self-sedate! Getting back on topic: Reality is there for those that want to see it for what it's worth. If you are simply going to look at it through biased eyes you shouldn't even bother entertaining the idea of wanting to deal with reality. Life's determiners do not stop by at the local gas station and ask for directions to the nearest best-equipped, best-abled sole to handle them. No, in fact they prey on the meak and feeble, they need people who are incapable to defend themselves against them. So why is it we as a species constantly try to invite the determiners into our lives? We need not the drama; yet we thrive on the disappointments and the disbeliefs that we endure. Is it because we are simply mortals only programmed to do the wrong thing most of the time when it comes to living easier more productive lives? Or is it because we are self-defeatus? We are codependant upon self destruction perhaps. I have nary the answers, that's for sure, and it's been proven many times over.

Life has given me so many opportunities to be correctly responsive, and a few times I have heeded the advice of others and I was rewarded with wisdom and knowlegde that I, being too close to the issue, could not see for what it was. Unfortunately, I have only done it this way a handful of times. Most of the time I deal with these conundrums simply by "doing my own thing because I know best" and in the long run (which I inherantly knew all along was the wrong way) I am looking down a long cold lonely path to the darkness of solitude and instability. Life deems itself unworthy in these times, life seems meaningless, unimportant; and perhaps it is to the commoner. However, someone, somewhere, cares about your decisions. It would be best if these people were there 100% of the time, but that's unreasonable. So, what is it that we do? I suggest we learn to trust those that we say we trust and really give those persons in your life the opportunity to do what they were intended to do: To help you in times of need. Find your friends and your lover and let them know constantly that you appreciate them in your life and that they are trusted, see where it takes you... Find yourself on the beach listening to the waves crashing against the break and slip into your quan. Perhaps the ocean isn't your gig, just find your place o' zen and embrace it and clear your head often, so that when life starts arbitrarily divvying out these fun lil' determiners you're a better equipped sole to manage them. But if you paid attention to what I've been saying, I earlier stated that determiners don't tend to manifest themselves on the well-equipped person; hence a reason to constantly take time out for yourself and let those whom you trust actionably love you. These are just a few of my uncontrollable, no-sense-making ramblings....until next time...

---BJS